The Silence of Emotional Abuse By: celeste jona

When I began to conduct research on emotional abuse, it was a challenge to find some information. The links that I selected produced information that addressed physical abuse more than emotional abuse. Generally, when abuse of a man or woman is brought up as a topic, the audience immediately thinks of physical abuse. Physical abuse seems to be the type of abuse that everyone can see and identify much more quickly. Regardless, emotional abuse is still abuse. Safe Horizon (www.safehorizion.org) defines emotional (or psychological abuse} as “name calling, put downs, threats to “out” a person’s sexual orientation”, etc. It is a form of control and the outward expression of domination. The assumption is that it is most likely from a spouse, but emotional abuse is not limited to a spouse. This form of abuse can materialize from a boyfriend, girlfriend or someone that you are dating. What is even more concerning is that according to the CDC, at least half of the men and women in the U.S. will experience emotional abuse by an intimate partner at least once in their lifetime. But it, doesn’t stop there. It can even be perpetuated by a parent or another family member including from a child to a parent. How do you recognize it? What are the signs and indicators? Truthfully, in many situations, the abuser and the abused do not realize that it is actually happening. According to Psychology Today, the abuser acts and reacts attempting to “control the environment to avoid feelings of failure and inadequacy.” The victim of abuse will feel a loss of enthusiasm, lives on-guard, suffers from anxiety/fear of being crazy, wishes he or she was not the way he/she is, etc. (https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2012/09/emotional-effects-abuse/),\. Additional indicators are listed below, but Live Bold & Bloom provides a list of 30. (See their link at http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse.) They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks. They try to control you and treat you like a child. They correct or chastise you for your behavior. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren't true. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath. Although often times we look at the abused as the victim, consider the abuser as well. Both have challenges that will need to be addressed. Healing is not an option, but a requirement in order that the cycle does not continue. If as a reader these signs are recognizable, do not take it lightly. Emotional abuse erodes a person’s self worth until they are demeaned to nothing which can lead to self-harm or suicide. If these signs are recognizable, seek support and help immediately. Make a choice to leave the relationship that is causing the behavior. Find a local center or counselor to talk about what you have experienced and begin the road to healing. Remember that it is a journey to healthy mental health and not an overnight destination.